Do I need a man to female pity?
Usually I write about what can immediately spoil or improve the relationship between man and woman. About half of my articles contain tips that a woman can apply, and within a few minutes or sometimes weeks, improved relationship with a man.
Almost every day, they come to me several letters, among which we can read the amazing transformation of the relationship. Relationship on the verge of divorce become happy, women who for decades were unable to find and keep the right man - married, etc.
In principle, it is not surprising. After the man leaves, or a bad relationship with him, when a woman can not give him what he needs. (More specifically, the woman usually thinks that gives what is needed, but in fact it is not). And if you change that, then they'll even chase the stick man from the house, it is anywhere from you will not go away.
But there is such behavior lovely ladies that like as even improving relationships with the opposite sex. Not all and not always, but it improves. However, the improvement of relations in the short term turns deterioration of relations in the long term, or even a catastrophe in the relationship.
What could improve relations in the short term, but much of their worsen in the long? What may seem right now, but the cause that the woman would be impossible to live with a man tomorrow?
First, one of the most common and powerful tools - it is a pity for the man.
The average man more often than women, meets with obstacles and setbacks in life. It can be anything. Persistent failures at work, failure in competition with their peers, competition, fatigue, lack of normal living conditions, low incomes - all of this is found in the life of almost every man. I would even say that some of the above difficulties set list - a necessary condition for a man has become a real man.
These difficulties are often a great incentive for us. The man begins to learn to live on their own without support from the outside, he learns to come out the winner of the competition with other males, he learns to overcome difficulties, he learns to care, he learns to overcome fatigue, etc. About how important it is for men to win and be more successful than others of their countrymen, read the article "Secrets and mysteries of men, which they hide from women"
And, of course, if the man is in the men's team, that with very few exceptions, all men better or worse, but to learn and become a man in the truest sense of the word. That is, those who can independently decide to implement its decision and to overcome the obstacles that inevitably arise on the way to achieving any significant result. Indeed, in the men's team pity and sympathy - this is a very poorly developed things.
If a man has mastered the skill to solve problems when they occur, instead of complaining, in the future, unless there is something in life that too it relaxes, this skill is the ability to solve problems is supported life.
However, there are on the way of growing and maintaining male adulthood this great danger.
Danger - it is a pity and sympathy for women by women.
Pity break the strongest man, if he is, of course, time does not feel the danger and will not go on such a "good" woman. One mechanism of protection against self-pity, which instinctively present in every male, now does not work. If you noticed in adolescence boys begin to step back from their mothers and any manifestation of pity react very violently and aggressively.
And if earlier, even a few decades ago, somewhere in this age began independent life, where most of the time among the guys, but now it is not. At the age of 20 years, this instinct completes its action and the man becomes defenseless against female pity.
Secondly, the pity is very insidious and gradually wears away so that the changes are not immediately visible. Today, a little regret, a little regret it tomorrow, the day after a lot of regret ... and nothing happened. My favorite kind of even a little grateful for a caring and seemingly as relations improved.
However, just because nothing happens. The changes, albeit slowly, accumulate in one point, and afflict your wave can carry everything: relationships, family, happiness, etc.
I will give one example, it may act in self-pity. Of course, self-pity can work quite differently and in a different situation. But the pity is always bad for men - this is the only thing I ask you to remember for a lifetime.
Let's say your favorite came home from work tired, and he has something does not work. And in order to get more work needed evening, sit on the weekends, and then to work to work, not just otsizhivaya one soft spot, and with energy and sometimes aggressive.
But the woman approaches and says: "I'm tired mother. Well, rest, lie down. Yes, you forget about the job, you will find yourself better, where your unforgettable genius finally appreciate. And in general, they will regret that you do not appreciate, and that you go. Yes, you are my poor, I suppose even hungry? Here, take a muffin, eat, and another, and another couple, and a snack sausage " .
If so (or the like) occurs constantly, inevitably man loses strength to work to overcome obstacles, something constantly underdo somewhere nedouchivaetsya somewhere lazy, etc.
And as if all is normal for several years. But then one of my colleagues raise the ladder, where they pay more, opens its second successful business, the third collects and buys a nice apartment. And right would these friends were cleverer than him, qualify or something else. No, it's his own friends, whom he had often won in solving professional or even some problems.
Self-esteem men by this turn of events can shatter and fall. If this decline is strong, then the following can collapse all. Crumbling relationship with a woman, all crumbling desire to do something, change the perception, sometimes a man begins to drink, to go down, disappointed in life, etc.
After all, self-esteem - it is for a man his life. Self-assessment means for men at least, if not more, than for the woman's family, children, possessions, good relationships with friends and relatives.
Of course, self-esteem is not destroyed by the external failures. If a man feels within himself the power, right, and so on, even the strong external lesions may not significantly reduce self-esteem. But if, together with external setbacks and comes to realize that in a few years it has become a helpless rag layman, etc., the impact can be unbearable.
Not sure this development comes from the women's self-pity, but very often it is the strongest reason.
When I speak of women's self-pity, then of course, we are not talking only about the compassion of women to men. Quite common, and pity a mother for her son, sometimes old enough. But more about this situation, I will not speak today.
Total pity for the man - it is poison. This poison gradually destroys a man's self-esteem, personality, will. After all this is destroyed, then from then on can be destroyed and the relationship itself with the beloved.
Of course, some men are much more resistant to such poison and some are not persistent. But there is no such, which would poison the female compassion and sympathy at all had no effect.
Therefore, a man can give as much compassion as you would give him a cup of vodka. (If you give your man every day for a few glasses of vodka, then you our site "Solar Hands" is hardly suitable).
Now, after the Council of the page, as always, a couple of pages of warnings and decryption, that we with you clearly understand the subject.
Firstly, the lack of self-pity does not mean that it is not necessary to give a man leisure, etc.
Lack of self-pity - it does not mean that only need to do and what to say, "Go back to work, the sun is still high." A man needs a vacation, need to be alone, etc. This is what I wrote in detail in the first book, "How to fall in love with a man, or Never run after a man, let him run after you" .
Sustained overload adversely affects the psyche and family relationships, and health. However, this overload is quite rare. Much more often than overload, man lacks a systematic load, no matter the body or spirit. And usually overloaded - this is when people over the years sitting on the couch, and then suddenly life requires him to action, and by doing these steps, simple for a trained person, sofa man overloaded.
Usually much better if a woman is a little push a man to action, and will not regret it. On this subject, I recommend reading the book by Anastasia Guy , "How to make a man get off the couch 2. Secrets of Happy Relationships" .
Secondly, the lack of self-pity does not mean that you need to just do that urge man.
Encourages men to action is necessary. It should be expected from a man more than he is now reached. It is necessary to periodically nudge and say something like: "Darling, I am already tired of only some of your interesting talk about how you will achieve something in the future. They last for many months (or years). Come on, do something real. Job, not Noah, etc. "
However, the life course should not only consist of prodding. Life - it is a life where you have to not only work, but also glad to talk together, vacation, etc. And the constant prodding to action so difficult.
Thirdly, lack of pity for the man - it does not mean constant criticism.
It may seem that the opposite of compassion is a critic. And some women are constantly or frequently criticized. After all, does not the criticism is that when a man rants about his plans a few months, but nothing really does not?
Of course, criticism. But this criticism to idleness, and not to the results of operations. Much of the criticism is usually goes to a man's actions. It's not as bought, is not so washed, it is not done, etc.
This criticism, which focuses on the results obtained, should be avoided whenever possible. If we are talking about the inactivity of men, it is a small share of criticism does not hurt. After all, sometimes even disgusting results from taking action can not be criticized, and sitting on the couch can be.
You can sum up. Pity woman to man - it is very, very bad habit behavior. From this behavior of the men leave, and those who remain, very much spoiled, they become worthless. And if in sport or anywhere else in the life of a man after he is tired, they say: "Let a little," and later he can`t do, then trains his will. If, when he has not even tired to say: "You're tired poor thing, go get some rest" , it is clear that the will is not trained, and its residues evaporate.
Weak-willed same man often is unsuccessful, unhappy, cynical, does not respect women who do not respect themselves, jealous, prone to whining and lying on the couch. So do not feel sorry for the man, and what is most paradoxical, it will cling to you.
If you can not feel sorry for the man, and keep it in action and inspire, then you have a third have gone to a happy life with them.